Messages to You
by JenniFromtheBlock
Summary: Email correspondence between Cristina and Owen
1. Chapter 1

Today

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Cristina,

I don't know when you'll get this, but I hope soon.

I don't know how else to tell you this. It's late at night, and I don't want to bother you at home. It's probably better that I leave you alone. It broke my heart for you to leave me today after what happened but I completely understand why you had to do it. It's not safe for you to be near me. Or maybe, not that it's not safe, but more that right now it is just not a good idea for you to be around me. I would never ever hurt you in any possible way, but I did unconsciously, and I will regret that every day for the rest of my life. It is only right that you protect yourself and do what is the smart thing.

I want you to know that after you left, I immediately went to Derek Shepherd and asked for help with what's been going on with me. He had offered to help me earlier in the day and I stupidly blew him off, thinking I could still deal with my problems, even in the face of what happened at your apartment. It took you telling me that you were afraid to be with me that I finally got through my thick head that things were not getting better for me, but getting worse. Getting so much worse, now that I've lost you.

What I'm getting at is that you apologized to me, but really I should be apologizing to you. I am the one who is beyond sorry to ever make you feel anything but beautiful and amazing. Because that's what you are. You are beautiful and amazing. And I am so sorry to ruin everything we ever had together. I hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me, but I suspect you aren't ready to forgive me, if you ever will be ready, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, anyway.

Today was both the best day of my life and the worst. I never knew it was possible to feel such total and utter happiness, and then only minutes later to feel such complete devastation. I know I've already had my second chances, but at the very least I hope one day even if I can't be with you, I can take away all the pain I ever caused you.

Be assured that regardless of what has happened, my feelings will never interfere with your education. You are a great doctor, and I will never stand in the way of anything you want to accomplish.

Please know that I only want good things for you.

Owen


	2. Chapter 2

Re: Today

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Owen,

I didn't see your email until after I got home from my shift.

I'm glad you talked to Derek about getting help with your nightmares. But I'm not sure I understand; do the nightmares stem from some sort of brain injury? How exactly can Derek help?

It's not that I'm afraid to be with you. I know you would never try to hurt me. But right now, when you're sleeping, you're not You. You have no idea what you looked like when it was happening—it wasn't You. Your eyes looked so empty and dead inside. Whoever that person is, I can't trust him. He's not you, but he's inside of you.

You haven't ruined everything. I know you. I know who you are. But until I know I'm not going to see whatever that was again, I won't feel safe. I'm sorry to say it, but there it is. I thought I could handle whatever this is, but I can't. And I'm sorry I made you think I could. I'm not a weak person, and I should be able to deal with this, but I can't.

Please let me know what Derek says.

Cristina


	3. Chapter 3

Re: Re: Today

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Cristina,

Stop apologizing. This is all my fault. I should have recognized the signs and tried to get help earlier instead of being too embarrassed to admit that something was wrong. I'm a doctor who refused to admit I needed treatment because my injuries, my problems, weren't as obvious as a shattered leg or severed arm. None of this is your fault, so stop saying you are sorry as if you did something wrong. You have been nothing but be the right person at the right time every moment since I began working at Seattle Grace. I would not have survived this long after returning from Iraq without you.

O.


	4. Chapter 4

Re: Re: Re: Today

From: CYang

To: OHunt

So what you're saying is that I'm right all the time? I'm going to remember that you said that.

C.


	5. Chapter 5

Re: Re: Re: Re: Today

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Did I say you were right all the time? That will come back to haunt me, I'm sure. I know you will never let me forget it…

O.

PS—attached are scans and notes of my MRI from the other night. Just thought you might like to see them. Also, my first appointment with the therapist, Dr. Wyatt, is tomorrow. Do you know anything about her? I am nervous about seeing her.


	6. Chapter 6

Appointment

From: CYang

To: OHunt

My what a big brain you have. Thank you for sending the attachments and information. What is Derek's plan of action?

You saw Dr. Wyatt today? Was she the only one available? How was it?

I scrubbed in on an aortic valve replacement today. It was messy and complex and I loved it. At least Dixon describes to me what she's doing and why she's doing it and allows me to do procedures. Hahn barely let me hold a scalpel, much less tried to teach me.

After the surgery I went down to the vent. I knew you probably wouldn't be there, but I was hoping you might. I miss talking to you.

C.


	7. Chapter 7

Re: Appointment

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Cristina,

I miss talking to you, too. More than you can begin to imagine. I tried to speak to you this morning, but Meredith made it more than clear that I was not welcome. I understand why. I don't suppose I'll ever convince her and Callie that I wasn't me when I hurt you. I hope that you know that everything I am doing is designed to make me whole again so that I can get back to you. Since I returned to Seattle, being with you is the only time that I really feel like myself. It's hard to give that up and still try to get through each day, but I hope one day to feel truly put back together enough to prove to you that I can be the man you deserve. I want to be with you, Cristina, and I hope that when I'm healthy enough to be with you, that you will feel the same way.

Why do you ask if Dr. Wyatt was the only available psychiatrist? Is there something I should know about her? I had my first therapy session with her today. I won't lie to you--it was difficult. I'm not sure how it is going to help, but I'm willing to try. I will be seeing her three times a week. She also gave me a prescription for sleeping pills.

Derek has set up an appointment in the sleep clinic for me, as well. I will be there tomorrow night, and I am off the day after. The day after that, though, you are on trauma with me. Maybe we can talk then.

Yours,

Owen


	8. Chapter 8

Person

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Meredith is being overly protective of me because she is my Person. To be honest, I wouldn't try to win her over at this point. The only thing that is going to convince her that it won't happen again is what you are already doing—the therapy, the sleep clinic, the treatment, etc. She will lighten up when she sees results.

I only ask about Dr. Wyatt because Meredith saw her briefly last year for some non-work related issues and I thought that she finished her sessions too soon. And maybe I may have insulted Dr. Wyatt a tiny bit at some point. Actually, I told her she was a horrible doctor. I wouldn't worry about it, though. I doubt she would remember me.

I want to know all about the sleep clinic when I see you in a few days.

C.


	9. Chapter 9

Re: Person

From:

To:

Cristina,

Last week when we talked there was something that I had forgotten to ask you. When you said Meredith was your Person, what did you mean by that?

O.


	10. Chapter 10

Re: Re: Person

From: CYang

To: OHunt

When I say Meredith is my Person I mean that she's my best friend, but it means more than that. She's my emergency contact person. She's the person who I can talk to about everything. She's the person who understands me the best, and who listens to me and knows what I am thinking before I even know it. She can guess my thoughts and reactions before I even have them. And I'm the same for her. She and I understand each other on a whole different level than anyone else.


	11. Chapter 11

Re: Re: Re: Person

From: OHunt

To: CYang

I see. Then I guess for a little while you were my Person.

Do you ever think you could see yourself as my Person again?

Owen


	12. Chapter 12

Re: Re: Re: Re: Person

From: CYang

To: OHunt

That's not how it works. I can't be your Person because then you would have no one to turn to when I'm driving you crazy. Who else do you think Mer worries and complains to when Derek is freaking out or they are breaking up again or she tries to drown herself or he gets drunk and bats her stupid ring into the woods? I can't be the one you freak out to, because I might be causing the freak out.

But if you're asking if I might ever be able to be the person who causes you to need a Person, the answer is yes.

Cristina


	13. Chapter 13

Re: Re: Re: Re: Person

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Then I had better start looking for my Person now because I want to be fully prepared for you to drive me crazy when the time comes, and I hope that it comes soon. Every day without you is excruciating.

Can I see you tomorrow? I want to tell you about some things I've discovered after talking to Dr. Wyatt. I know you're not scheduled to be on trauma until the day after tomorrow, but I'd like meet up with you for a few minutes, maybe at lunch, if that's okay.

Yours,

Owen


	14. Chapter 14

ER

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Owen,

I just wanted to tell you that from what we talked about when we met last time that it sounds like therapy and the visits to the sleep clinic are going well. I'm glad to know you are sleeping more soundly and feeling more like yourself. You know, today I think I caught a little glimpse of that badass behavior I originally saw the day I met you. The pen trache badassness, not the taking out my icicle badassness. I'm still kind of irritated that you pulled that out without my permission.

What I'm getting at is that I'm proud of you for going to therapy and doing all of these things that I know must be so difficult. It can't be easy, but I can see the changes in you every day and they are for the better. I can see how much healthier and happier you are. So I'm proud of you and what you are doing.

Also, watching you triage the patients from that four car pile-up today was kind of hot.

See you tomorrow,

Cristina


	15. Chapter 15

Re: ER

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Dr. Yang,

Your opinion means more to me than I think you realize. When I think about the decisions and choices I make now, I think of how they are going to affect us. Not just me. Us. Because everything I do is so that we can be together. So that We can Be.

And speaking of hot, would you mind not wearing your hair up on the days you are working in the ER? It is very distracting.

Dr. Hunt


	16. Chapter 16

Re: Re: ER

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Dr. Hunt,

I don't know why my hair would be distracting. That's not very professional of you.

Yours,

Dr. Yang


	17. Chapter 17

Re: Re: Re: ER

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Dr. Yang,

So?

Dr. Hunt


	18. Chapter 18

Re: Re: Re: Re: ER

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Don't think I don't see what you're doing in the ER with your flirting and your multi-vehicle accident victims' surgeries and your blue eyes always looking at me. You're trying to win me back.

C.


	19. Chapter 19

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Is it working?


	20. Chapter 20

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Yes.


	21. Chapter 21

Hello

From: OHunt

To: CYang

I think you're beautiful.


	22. Chapter 22

Re: Hello

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Thank you. And why don't you just tell me that instead of emailing me from across my living room? You're sitting four feet away from me at the end of my sofa.


	23. Chapter 23

Re: Re: Hello

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Because you are concentrating so hard on whatever it is you are doing. I didn't want to interrupt.


	24. Chapter 24

Re: Re: Hello

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Please interrupt. I am shopping for bridesmaid dresses. Where is your savior complex? I would rather be doing anything else right now.


	25. Chapter 25

Re: Re: Re: Hello

From: OHunt

To: CYang

Do you want me to save you?

Anything?


	26. Chapter 26

Re: Re: Re: Re: Hello

From: CYang

To: OHunt

Yes, anything.

And you already have saved me.


	27. Chapter 27

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

From: OHunt

To: CYang

I could say the same about you.

I love you, you know.


	28. Chapter 28

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

From: CYang

To: OHunt

I love you, too. Now shut down that stupid laptop and get over here.


	29. Chapter 29

Dr. Hunt--You are now logged off of the Seattle Grace Hospital website. Good night.

_The End_


End file.
